I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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