True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
