I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
