Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
