His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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