She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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