What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
