I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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