So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
