I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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