I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
