Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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