Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
