So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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