so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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