My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
