everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize