Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
