While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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