your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
