I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
