i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
