Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
