you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the condom got lost in my hair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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