I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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