I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
