he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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