just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
