New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
