I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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