She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
