North Korea, Best Korea!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's shark week go big or go home
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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