How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
