why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
