I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
