3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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