I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
