I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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