I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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