So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
