happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
