Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
