Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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