On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
