is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's official drugs can't kill me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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