we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
