just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will be naked everywhere
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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