I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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