i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
