The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
