Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
