I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
