I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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