i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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