hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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