Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
