Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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