I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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