Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
